This Blog Is Full Of Crap

Elie Wiesel says he wouldn't cry if someone assassinated the President of Iran.

Me, I'd cry.

With joy.

I'd dance, too.

I'd throw a party.

Ahmadinejad Is Dead Party.

I'd serve cake, ice cream, and give away a Members Only jacket in a raffle.

A bus ran a red light and got hit by a train.

Even if the bus didn't run the red light, that's what they'll say and, as usual, accidentally wipe the tapes.

Nothing I can say now that I haven't said before, eh.

The Iranian Supreme Leader says that Iran will reveal a massive "punch" at the 31st anniversary celebration of the Islamic revolution there.

Here's hoping they borrow Rev. Jim Jones' recipe.

John Murtha should have been led away in chains after ABSCAM, but instead he was sent back to DC over a dozen times until the day of his death.

Which was today.

I'm no believer of the "Too Soon!" principle, so remembering something he said during the 2008 campaign:

Hence:

Rep. John Murtha will likely be buried at Arlington to avoid all those "racist rednecks" back home in his district.

Yeah, he called his own constituents racist rednecks, and still got sent back to DC for a last time.

(I suppose he forgot "retards" and "rubberstampers" too. Ugh.)

You served your country well.

Then, you took off the uniform and put on a suit.

Goodbye, you slimy crook.

Reggie Bush should call Charley Casserly right now and thank him for being an idiot.

K is the key in my Blackberry browser that gets me my bookmarks list.

It stopped working yesterday.

Seems that my phone wanted me to download Bing, which was pushed on me by Verizon.

I installed Bing. And then uninstalled it.

K is working again.

Fuck you, Verizon.
Fuck you, Microsoft.
Fuck you, Blackberry.

Quit dumping shit on me that gets in my way.

Looking at maps and apps and pricing and such, I'm starting to agree with Luke Wilson, eh.

Instead of getting a Nexus One for me and a Razr-equivalent for the Mrs. for my New Every Two, I may just shot SCREW YOU! and take our numbers to AT&T with phones that doesn't waste 10 minutes of my time trying to get them back to the way I want to use them.

It was a nice day out, so I spent some time with the cats on the patio...

They love the birdies.

After making a LOLcat out of Nardo, I deposited it in the bank.

I tried to make a photo with Myst or Bruwyn with it so I could say "Ceiling Cat Save Souls, Basement Cat Save Moneys" or something like that.

But those tow absolutely suck at posing.

You know, because they're young and wild.

Okay, so there's a boo-hoo story in the news about some dead woman who was the last speaker of an ancient language.

Yeah, it sucks. But there's plenty of languages spoken by and understood only one person in the universe.

Ride METRO long enough, and you'll sit next to one.

Heyyyacrackaboyyyyy! Sparrrrranehchaaangssshhhh!

You know what that means?

I sure as heck don't.

But that's the last thing I heard from a Grizzled Cootbag Speckled Bum the other day before I turned on my iPod and checked my messages on the Blackberry.

What's scary-sad about them is that every so often, two of them will cross paths on the bus or at a bus stop, and they'll attempt to communicate.

Eventually, through hand-gestures and repetition, they settle on the universal language of laughter. Or throwing things at each other.

Either way, it's a fascinating scene, and I'd love for some budding young sociologists to take these specimens off for studying. (The barneyfifes sure don't bother, right?)

I'm pondering going to tonight's Geek Gathering.

I actually put the power cord, SpaceNavigator, mouse, laptop pad, and mouse pad in the bag.

I just need to figure out something to do between 4 and 6 Downtown/Midtown before it's reasonable to head to the coffeehouse to claim a spot near a power outlet.

Anjelica has some movies I want to see, but they're all starting at weird times... well, not weird for people who can make it to those times, but weird for my Yabba Dabba Doo'clock.

I'd go down to the art museum, but I don't like walking around the exhibits with the laptop bag. Nor do I like checking it.

Perhaps I could Dangertrain down to dinner somewhere, but there's plenty of places Downtown and Midtown nice enough to eat at. Haven't had Cabo's for a while, for instance.

Windowshop at Macy's? Nah. Did that... same old stuff. Although I will probably go there before V-Day for something, not sure what.

Maybe walk over to the Aquarium and say hi to the fishies? Perhaps eat an overpriced meal there? But then, Tillman Fertita is a jackass... I prefer to avoid his swill-pits, and refer to the Crawford Boxes as just that Fuck Landry's.

I thought about visiting a few folks Downtown for their last hour or so of work, but visiting someone like that... reminds me of going Downtown with my dad when I was little. It's just... well, weird.

I'd sit in the park and read, but the last few times I've done that end up with a dozen or so bums asking for change. Bum-swarms suck.

"I just gave everything to that guy with the shopping cart down the street. Go get him."

Maybe sit at Maple Leaf Pub and watch hockey for a bit? Or just find an underground sidewalk cafe that's open and... oh, they all close at 4 or 5?

I thought about just wandering the city, snapping photos. Or using my stack of spare memory cards to make a goofy tour of the area, but there won't be enough light for it. (And when there is, it's too hot to be walking about for two hours.)

A nap might be nice. If only there were a napping room at work, or a big comfy sofa to lay back on. I should ask about that, then I could set the alarm, take a nap, and wake up refreshed and ready to go.

I have the power cord, but not a power strip for the laptop. I'm pretty sure there's a drug store on the way to the coffeehouse... but that's not exactly 2 hours of shopping. And when you're shopping Downtown, once again, bum-swarm.

Maybe just go there early, log into SL, enjoy a few hours of music until the people trickle in and... well, stay logged into SL if folks want to see what's so not-dull and not-passe about it.

Kick back, fire up the iPod, listen to the backlog of podcasts, random some Wikipedia for the usual stumblejaunt through human knowledge...

Whatever. This is the reason why I haven't been to these for a long time... the habit of just hopping on the bus and heading home is too deep in the programming.

Myst and Bruwyn offer to help make cheeseburgers...

Sorry. Don't feel like it.

I'm sure that this article isn't making Katie Couric's soon-to-be-laid-off coworkers pissed off in the slightest. Nor will it piss off any of her remaining coworkers who have to take up the slack for everyone that's getting axed.

Nope. Not at all.

Yes, I made it to Drabblecast.

Four and a half years of daily practice writing the things helped, I guess.

Thanks to Norm Sherman, Luke Coddington, and the crew for passing over all the excellent and awesome stories they get to scrape my submission off of the bottom of the barrel.

But most of all, thanks to you. Without you loyal listeners, well, what's the point of me blithering for a minute and a half every day, right?

"The groundhog sees a shadow.
It is the shadow of my front tire.
There will be 6 more weeks of winter.
But not for the groundhog."

It's supposed to be "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens" but Grace got it wrong.

As for the kittens...

They're not sure about it.

Matt Schaub as MVP of the Pro Bowl is as about as pointless an achievement as being high scorer in a Harlem Globetrotters game.

The game should be called the "Not Good Enough To Make It To The Super" Bowl.

It's the "Thanks For The Free Trip" Bowl.

Unlike the All-Star Game, the season for these guys is over. Done. They're the ones who couldn't get out of playing because of injury.

It's the Jury Duty of the NFL. The fans and press love them, and they have to show up or get smacked by the league.

Nobody in their right mind is giving it 100%. Otherwise, there'd be injuries from players who have already shut down from the season and trying to give one last effort.

You don't hear of anyone scratched for training too hard for the Pro Bowl, right?

Right.

Those who excel in the Pro Bowl tend to stick out like a sore thumb.

It's an exhibition game. A half-speed practice session.

And the dork apparently went all-out. Because he didn't give it his all during the season, so he had plenty of gas left in the tank to show off on a Sunday way, way too late to make a difference.

Wonderful. (vomit)

Unless that jackass playing in the post-season with a Texans uniform on, it doesn't mean a thing.

About the passing yards achievement, well, that can be explained, too.

When your running game is near-dead and you fail to score in the red zone time and time again, you can rack up some serious yardage.

Plus, the 17 20+ and 40+ yard strikes are more of a testament to the receiver's post-catch runs.

Tack on to that the fact that you have a backup quarterback who's the seasoned achiever of an 0-16 season and another who's the worst Chicago quarterback since Bob Avellini, the guy's going to take snaps until they strap him to a backboard and carry him off in a golf cart.

Those aren't backups. Those are job security for the starter.

And finally, Manning was put in neutral for the last two weeks. 195 and 95 yards? Manning was averaging 300 otherwise. He'd have blown past Schaub easily if he hadn't have been shelved for playoffs. (You know, the real purpose of the season. Which Manning got the MVP for. And may get the MVP for the final game, too.)

Whatever. Richard Justice has his pom-poms and skirt again.

Once again...

(vomit)

FAIL:

A U.S. attempt to shoot down a ballistic missile mimicking an attack from Iran failed after a malfunction in a radar built by Raytheon Co, the Defense Department said.

The abortive test over the Pacific Ocean coincided with a Pentagon report that Iran had expanded its ballistic missile capabilities and posed a "significant" threat to U.S. and allied forces in the Middle East region.

The Missile Defense Agency said that in Sunday's test both the target missile, fired from Kwajalein in the Marshall Islands, and the interceptor, from Vandenberg Air Force Base in California, had performed normally.

"However, the Sea-Based X-band radar did not perform as expected," the agency said on its web site. Officials will investigate the cause of the failure to intercept, it said.

Better check that radar quickly, boys. Iran's planning on a light show on the 11th.

I wonder if the Dolphin subs with the Popeye missiles have already taken up position for retaliatory strikes against Iran... and Damascus... and Beirut... and Beijing... and North Korea... and Judge Goldstone's summer house...

So now that Obama is surrendering this country's and species' future in space so he can keep giving away trillions of Chinese dollars to insurance corporations and bankers to pretend it will result in health care and homes, is it time for NAASA to be revived?

Yeah, it looks like I'll be staying up late tonight.

The Mrs. is on Facebook now.

Just gotta say that Tweetdeck is making following multiple Twitter accounts and Facebook very easy to do.