This Blog Is Full Of Crap

Steve McNair could have taken the Oilers to their first Super Bowl.

Instead, Bud Adams played the city and county for suckers and took the team up to Nashville.

Rest in peace, troubled soul.

And as for Bud:

"He was one of the finest players to play for our organization and one of the most beloved players by our fans," Adams said.

For what you did, you will never be beloved by any true blue Oilers fan in this city.

Dear Israel,

Signed,
America

I, for one, believe that Cynthia McKinney represents The American Dream.

It doesn't matter if you were used as a human shield in your youth.
It doesn't matter what your race is.
It doesn't matter what your gender is.
It doesn't matter if you're willing to take money from the same people who bankrolled terrorism.
It doesn't matter how deranged your anti-Semitic dad has become since his days in the Civil Rights Movement.

You can still make it to Washington as a representative of hundreds of thousands of people even stupider than you, perhaps even running for president on a ticket for a party full of people even crazier than you.

God Bless America, and God Bless America again for tossing her out of office twice.

Dear Iran,

Signed,
The Israeli Navy

Mohammed ElBaradei is on his way out of the IAEA, but there's a new asshole taking over his lapdog role:

There is no concrete evidence that Iran is attempting to develop nuclear weapons, incoming International Atomic Energy Agency chief Yukiya Amano said Friday, in his first public comments on Iran's nuclear program. Japan's Yukiya Amano, left,...

"I don't see any evidence in IAEA official documents about this," Yukiya Amano told Reuters.

Which means that either ElBaradei shredded them, or he's taking them with him so he can consult with the Iranians and give them pointers from Cairo.

Here's hoping that Mohammed ElBaradei has a short retirement, dying of radiation poisoning from Iranian nuke weapons program he ignored and let develop right under his nose.

Remember... it wasn't the IAEA that found the Libyan programme... it was the US toppling Saddam that spooked Gaddafi that caused him to confess.

People keep forgetting that Gaddafi surrendered his programme after Saddam's ass got kicked. So when people say there were no WMD in Iraq, well, maybe... but there sure were WMD being developed in Libya. (And Syria with North Korean help... but that got pushed back by the bombing raid.)

Just when you thought it couldn't get any sicker, greedier, and perverted, Michael Jackson's family and slavers refuse to miss an opportunity to make a buck off of the sick fuck:

Fans who wish to attend Michael Jackson's star-studded memorial service at Staples Center will have to shell out $25 to sit in the stands, RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively.

Family, friends and VIPS will have seats on the main floor for The Tuesday, July 7th Staples service, first reported by RadarOnline.com, while the general public will be plucking down $25 to sit in the stands.

It's a fucking circus.

The service will be held between 10am PST and Noon PST... with the scheduled Ringling Bros. Barnum and Bailey Circus on standby, literally.

The parade of elephants, held as circus performers arrive in town is scheduled to take place immediately following the service.

It really is a fucking circus!

It never fails to rain when I leave the laptop bag at home to do some afternoon shopping...

I suppose I need to get one of those ninja-style umbrellas that strap to my back so it's available at all times.

Cynthia McKinney won't get far with her Ninja Throwing Cellphone vs. the Israeli Navy:

An IDF Navy unit took over a ship that was en route to breaking the naval closure on the Gaza Strip, the IDF said in a statement Tuesday afternoon. International activists cover...

Overnight, Navy troops spotted a vessel with a Greek flag, which had embarked on a journey from the port of Larnaca in Cyprus towards the Gaza Strip.

After the Navy contacted the ship and realized it was headed to Gaza, the troops clarified that the Strip is under naval closure and that because of security concerns it will not be allowed to reach the beach of Gaza.

If there's any explosives on the boat, they should put the crew back on there and set them off.

Until last night, it hadn't rained in Houston for a few weeks.

When I saw thunderstorms in the forecast, my first thought was not to cover the grill or bring in my electric fan.

it was Bruwyn is going to run around like a crazy kitty.

Sure enough, as the thunder started, he got spooked.

Nothing quite like a web cat running full-speed and leaping and growing and whining.

There's no point in trying to calm him down. He squirms away and flies off into another tizzy.

Toyota has developed a sensor technology that allows wheelchairs to be controlled by thoughts.

Of course, being a customer of our fine public transportation system, I've seen the mental state of some of these folks who use the bus and... well, when they peel away the tinfoil and stop yammering about how Bush saw flying around New Orleans hunting people on rooftops, I don't think you want any form of machinery to be controlled by those folks.

No. Really. Take a stroll Downtown, head for Tranquility Park and City Hall, and just enjoy the ambiance of madness.

Just sayin'.

Valverde may have been the biggest goat of Sunday's game, but handing him a one-run lead when you have a chance to hand him two or three is sheer idiocy.

Geoff Blum(notes), activated from the disabled list before the game, was hit by a pitch leading off the bottom of the seventh. Two outs later, Matsui doubled and Blum scored to give the Astros a 3-2 lead.

Ortiz retired Adam Everett(notes) leading off the eighth before he was replaced by Byrdak. The left-hander struck out the two batters he faced, not allowing a run for the 15th time in his last 18 appearances.

Matsui got to third on some heads-up baserunning (I'm just as shocked as you are).

Two men out, man on third... and...

Coop let Ortiz bat.

Yeah, I know, he's batting better than the rest of the pitching staff, but in this situation you bring out someone to at least give the Tigers a scare. Bring out Kata. Or Maysonnet (oops!) Maybe force a walk.

Fine. Bourn comes up with men on first and third. Bourn's not exactly a slugger, but if you get Matsui and Kata running with Bourn bunting, he can beat that out and the Suicide scores one.

I know, I know... they already had the lead, but if you've watched Valverde at all, you know he's easily lit up in these situations.

Which he was. I saw this coming, it came, and Coop didn't do anything to prevent it.

What? Coop needed to keep Ortiz in?

To face Adam "Swish" Everett?

Give me a break. Ortiz finished him like Valverde finishes two plates of chicken wings, and then Byrdak came in.

Byrdak could have easily mown down Adam Errorvett with his other two victims.

Coop is showing that he's been given his chance, has blown it, and it's time to sweep out the staff and bring in a new group of chuckleheads.

I, for one, hope that Jose Cruz gets a shot just so that Drayton will can his ass and finally get him out of the mix. (At least Manso is out of the mix.)

At least Mike Illitch's Motor City Pussies got their noses bloodied, their streak ended, and Adam's batting average is sinking to its usual depths.

When he was being hailed by all the fantasy wires, I was laughing... just wait, I said. Just wait.

I don't see her ghost anymore.

(But I still see others.)

I have no grief for the demise of Billy Mays.

It's one thing to manufacture schlocky products.

It's another thing to peddle them.

His family is asking for privacy and respect.

They have earned neither.

If his death is the result of injuries sustained during his recent airline trauma, then America has a new pilot hero: move over Sully, and pin a medal on the man that laid Billy Mays low.

I hope his funeral is open coffin and public so everybody can use it as a latrine.

Find no peace in your death, Mr. Mays, and may you be bombarded with schlocky ads for all eternity as the brimstone sears your soul.

Bruwyn's been killing lizards again...

Of course, The Mighty Stripey Hunter has to inspect his student's work:

I think he approves.

The editor who was in charge of checking this article at The Daily Mail needs to be taken out back and thrown into a dumpster:

India is planning to provide its 1.1 billion-plus citizens with ID cards.

Entrepreneur, Nandan Nilekani has been chosen to lead the ambitious project which will be the second largest citizens' database in a democracy, with China being the biggest.

The government believes the scheme, which will be finalised over three years, will aid the delivery of vital social services to the poorest people who often lack sufficient identification papers.

Either the editor missed the fact that China is a communist state, or they intentionally ignored the error.

Whatever happened, the editor needs to go.

It's not oppressively hot yet, so I have a fan, the laptop, an iced tea, and the cats out on the patio...

Nardo's a sleepyboy...

Bruwyn's grown up so fast. (He's as tall as Nardo now, but still lanky-thin.)

Brandon Backe never amounted to his full potential as a pitcher, and giving him chance after chance as some kind of hometown hero was a huge mistake.

However, keeping him on all these years was relatively cheap compared to some of the even bigger mistakes that have been made with broken-down players who end up doing the team a favor by riding the pine: Kaz Matsui.

This team is not going to spark a second-half almost-missed comeback. The Maysonets and the Katas and Michaels are not going to get enough time o nthe field to build up any momentum to step in when the veterans fall to pieces.

This one's going to nosedive.

In case you're too fucking lazy to watch my Twitter stream:

Was the moment of silence in the House for Michael Jackson or just to concentrate on counting bribe money for their weekly deposit slips?

Elizabeth Taylor collapsed when hearing that Michael Jackson had died? Sure she wasn't just tripping over her wedding dress?

Well, Men In Black 2 got something right: Michael Jackson is about to wear the last suit he will ever need.

#followfriday @michaeljackson - The error message says it was suspended for "strange activity." NO??? REALLY???

It's sad to think that Michael Jackson's estate might actually be a better risk for government loans/bailout than GM or Chrysler.

Neverland Ranch Salad Dressing - It's all over Baby Carrots, Baby Spinach, Sprouts...

Chuck Norris killed Michael Jackson after one too many "Moonwalker, Texas Rumpranger" comments by fans?

In lieu of flowers, the Jackson Family has asked for witnesses to continue to keep their mouths shut.

MTV is actually showing music videos again? Hrm. I can see forty-somethings bumping off music stars like a request line.

News coverage of Neil Armstrong's death, who walked on the moon, will pale in comparison to MJ's, who named a dance move after it.

@mikemcguff - Face lift? Pretty soon, chron.com will start wearing one white glove and molesting children.

Are people starting to figure out that you can't throw pills as a problem and make it go away?

The world's first Jack Daniels store is at the airport 40 miles out of town?

Haven't these people heard of a place called The Galleria?

Leave it to some jackass retail consultant to come up with a location that's so inconvenient and expensive that it makes ordering something with overnight shipping from the website more attractive and economical.

I partially remembered an encounter with Michael Jackson at Epcot many years ago, a few years before Captain EO was there.

He was at the leaping fountains outside of that Kodak pavilion.

Smiling. Sad. Terrified. Alone.

Sitting quietly, looking around. He was peoplewatching.

I actually didn't notice him there. My mom pointed him out, hand on shoulder... don't react, don't say anything... just watch.

People kept their distance, didn't mob him there. No autographs, no shaking hand or head.

He almost was one of the rest of the people. He almost had it, but this aura of... not quite ordinary.

Bodyguards hovering 20-30 feet away. Epcot isn't exactly "Tall Muscular Black Man In Suit Friendly But Keenly Observant" territory, you know.

Smiles. But terrified.

I remembered the rest of it this morning.

He got mobbed as he walked past Communicore to Lagoon of Nations, left side.

People pointing, yelling... as if they were hunting dogs.

He was surrounded, paper waved at him. Pens.

The bodyguards were on either side of him.

At one point, he screamed. And he vanished.

I remember that we walked by... it was an accident we saw that, we weren't part of that mob.

Were we?

I am going over this in my mind, over and over.

I may just call my mom later today to see what she remembers.

I'm pretty sure this is close to what happened.

But if I'm remembering it wrong, I want to know what happened.

Because what happened there convinced me very early on that a human being is not built to handle such overwhelming fame and it's desire to belong, and that humans are pack hunters that feed on them.

There is one other encounter with a celebrity that shaped my view of fame, and I think y'all already know who it is: Dom Deluise.

A person who is genuinely sweet, friendly, loving, and interested in other people will emanate such a feeling... it's like walking into a walk-in fridge and the temperature drop hitting you... that sense of goodness can be felt as you approach it.

Your instincts are to want to understand that sensation, but you have to respect such a person and go easy and not become a predator... a parasite...

Like each individual found themselves becoming as they were absorbed into the mob-monster that hunted Michael Jackson.

I've always wondered if the same applies to genuinely evil people.

Twitterers are asked to show their respects for Michael Jackson by tinting their icons white. #michaeljackson

Wave an eight-year old under his nose. See if that revives him. #michaeljackson

Have they confirmed that it isn't actually Dianna Ross?

Doesn't California have recycling laws? I know they have bins for plastic, but how much organic material can there be left of MJ?

Now comes the hard part: figuring out which Jackson is the SECOND freakiest of the bunch.

Have they managed to unchain Emmanuel Lewis from the corpse, or will he finish chewing through his leg and hop to freedom?

With Michael Jackson dead, Disneyland reduced its terror alert status from orange to yellow.

All those years of buying new noses, the freak never thought TO BUY A NEW HEART!

Somewhere in space, Elvis takes his finger off of a button and slurs "Finally got the son of a bitch."

The rumors of an eternal flame being erected at his gravesite are partially true - that's just his hair.

Although you gotta hand it to the guy - of all the ways he could bail on the London shows, this was the most spectacular.

The King Of (Coronary Artery Going) Pop

Die, child molester, die. (Said the same thing about Arafat)